Archive for July, 2010

The Human Centipede

Posted in Other Cinema with tags , , , , on July 14, 2010 by Cristina Blackwater

The Human Centipede – first sequence – 2010

plot: The film tells the story of a German doctor who kidnaps three tourists and joins them surgically, mouth to anus, forming a “human centipede”. Having completed the operation, the doctor begins training the centipede, while attempting to hide his actions from the attention of the outside world.

To apologize for my un-excusable absence from regular posting, here I bring you something that has been murmured and talked about for months: The Human Centipede, a 2010 dutch horror film written and directed by Tom Six. Is it really the most shocking movie of all time? no. If anything I would say shockingly boring, but I will get to it later.

Let’s break it down into simple words and pictures:

We have the crazy german, Dr. Heiter, who’s only interesting feature is the pimping combination med coat + shades:

Two random American broads, dumber than the definition of dumb itself:

and The Japanese Dude, whose name is not even important, nor does his presence in the flick

dr. Boring kidnaps Dumb Broads and Japanese Dude to realize his dream of creating a Human Centipede, after briefly mentioning he already accomplished the mission with canines, and he is now ready to take the next step

a few minutes of lesson, Japanese Dude screaming (in Japanese, of course, which is the only thing he does throughout the whole movie) , and quick nip/tuk later, here we have it, the money shot.

TA-DA!

From this point on, a bunch of random boring things happen, dr.Boring has the police on his ass because they’re looking for missing Dumb Broads, Japanese Dude keeps screaming in japanese, and.. wait. no. That’s really all there is to it. Nothing else happens. And at this point you are forced to sit through an hour and half of nothingness.

This movie fails on so many levels I can’t even start to list them all, so “everything” will have to do.

It’s slow, boring, the actors are awful, the story is so not interesting you’d be better off watching pictures of dust for a couple of hours. The problem is that the flick takes itself seriously. It could have been much, much better if it just took the comic road, the over the top nonsense splatter (awesome) gore of the japanese movies ala Tokyo Gore Police, everything Troma, and so on. The fact that the story pretends to have any kind of logic appeal to it is mindblowing.

As if it wasn’t enough, “First Sequence” means this is only the first installment and that we haven’t seen the last of the Human Centipede yet:

Wikipedia states that “A sequel, titled The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) has been planned for theaters in 2011, with filming starting in London in June 2010. Full Sequence will supposedly include a centipede composed of twelve individuals. Tom Six has stated that the first film will get audiences used to the idea of a human centipede, preparing them for the idea of a much more graphic and disturbing sequel, First Sequence being “My Little Pony compared with part two.”Tom Six has claimed that he is developing ideas for a third part, but wants to see what will happen with the second part first

OH MY GOD I CAN’T WAIT!!! (…………)

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