The Human Centipede

The Human Centipede – first sequence – 2010

plot: The film tells the story of a German doctor who kidnaps three tourists and joins them surgically, mouth to anus, forming a “human centipede”. Having completed the operation, the doctor begins training the centipede, while attempting to hide his actions from the attention of the outside world.

To apologize for my un-excusable absence from regular posting, here I bring you something that has been murmured and talked about for months: The Human Centipede, a 2010 dutch horror film written and directed by Tom Six. Is it really the most shocking movie of all time? no. If anything I would say shockingly boring, but I will get to it later.

Let’s break it down into simple words and pictures:

We have the crazy german, Dr. Heiter, who’s only interesting feature is the pimping combination med coat + shades:

Two random American broads, dumber than the definition of dumb itself:

and The Japanese Dude, whose name is not even important, nor does his presence in the flick

dr. Boring kidnaps Dumb Broads and Japanese Dude to realize his dream of creating a Human Centipede, after briefly mentioning he already accomplished the mission with canines, and he is now ready to take the next step

a few minutes of lesson, Japanese Dude screaming (in Japanese, of course, which is the only thing he does throughout the whole movie) , and quick nip/tuk later, here we have it, the money shot.

TA-DA!

From this point on, a bunch of random boring things happen, dr.Boring has the police on his ass because they’re looking for missing Dumb Broads, Japanese Dude keeps screaming in japanese, and.. wait. no. That’s really all there is to it. Nothing else happens. And at this point you are forced to sit through an hour and half of nothingness.

This movie fails on so many levels I can’t even start to list them all, so “everything” will have to do.

It’s slow, boring, the actors are awful, the story is so not interesting you’d be better off watching pictures of dust for a couple of hours. The problem is that the flick takes itself seriously. It could have been much, much better if it just took the comic road, the over the top nonsense splatter (awesome) gore of the japanese movies ala Tokyo Gore Police, everything Troma, and so on. The fact that the story pretends to have any kind of logic appeal to it is mindblowing.

As if it wasn’t enough, “First Sequence” means this is only the first installment and that we haven’t seen the last of the Human Centipede yet:

Wikipedia states that “A sequel, titled The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) has been planned for theaters in 2011, with filming starting in London in June 2010. Full Sequence will supposedly include a centipede composed of twelve individuals. Tom Six has stated that the first film will get audiences used to the idea of a human centipede, preparing them for the idea of a much more graphic and disturbing sequel, First Sequence being “My Little Pony compared with part two.”Tom Six has claimed that he is developing ideas for a third part, but wants to see what will happen with the second part first

OH MY GOD I CAN’T WAIT!!! (…………)

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12 Responses to “The Human Centipede”

  1. The Film Reel Says:

    For a flick that everyone assumed would be so shocking, it’s actually quite bland. None of it makes any sense either. Like the ending! Why the hell would all of that happen???? If they sequel wants to survive my opinion then it better be full of blood and guts!

  2. kabuki29 Says:

    Thank you.

    I was really undecided if iwas going to watch this or not. But after reading your review now i am sure i am not going to see it. Time is limited.
    Again, thank you.

    Ps. I just wanted to add that i enjoy your site and your reviews very much. It is just that there are simply movies i can’t add anything. So even when i am not commenting, i am reading. And in reading i am enjoying.

    PPs. Bow ties are cool.

  3. I need to watch this movie.

  4. no you don’t.. it’s so bad

  5. your blog summarizes the movie perfectly!! love it! great job! however, i laughed my ass off watching it :)

  6. We were hoping for a lot more from this movie (especially considering the claim of it being 100% medically accurate etc). No such luck. Bummer.

    – Thomas Carpenter
    MoreHorror.com

  7. Totally need to watch this now!!!

  8. I found this blog post searching for fluffy pink cupcakes and now I’m going to bed with nightmares…. That film looks sick, but it’s intriguing at the same time.

    Thanks and cool blog name!

  9. OHwhatever Says:

    This movie is worth seeing. I saw it before it came out in theatres and before the bullshit hype machine got to it. I think you had alot of expectations for this movie that may not have really been grounded. This is definately not the sickest movie ever made like critics said(you want sick watch “Guts of a Beauty”). If anything Dieter Laser alone makes this movie. He was made for this role. I’ll admit that the japanese guy and the two girls are just basically there but that matters little because they are standing in Mr. Lasers shadow as it is. Anyway, its a fun horror movie and worth watching at least once.

  10. Looks like another sick japanese movie. Just how i like it :)

  11. Haha, I too was searching for an evil cupcake for my blog post.
    This movie seems to be the talk of the town as of late, I’d better get my ass out of somebody else’s mouth and into Blockbuster.

    P.S- Can I use your cupcake if I link to your blog? I have this shitty assignment due and it really needs a sweet cupcake to make it suck less- not enough time to draw my own and scan it.
    Anyway I’m going to go ahead, please let me know if it’s not ok.

  12. I would have just used that scalpel to cut the mouth from my ass!

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